Gloryfades.org

I think it’s high time I finally wrote something down. Last week was stressful and it’s only promising to get worse, I fear. While I’m excited by the new semester I’m also sort of mind-boggled by how much work I have ahead of me. Everyone I’ve come into contact with for the past little while has already had their ear talked off regarding this but I’m still going to say it anyway - seven courses is a lot of work and I’m not sure whether I can handle all of this. Furthermore, OSAP fucking me over is also putting a bit of a damper on things. Normally, I’d have most of my books by now but I’ve only got two at the moment, one of which I still need to pay for. I’m trying to find a new job at school because the store is giving me one shift every two weeks which is frankly ridiculous. I’m relying heavily on my parents which I don’t like doing. I need money for books but I’m hesitant to say something because I feel guilty and … I don’t know, I just hate doing it. I feel like I’m stealing or something.

Ugh, I don’t honestly know why it’s making me depressed. It’s only a few more months and I will be done. I’ll finally get myself a full-time job and I’ll eventually pull myself out of this student-life mire that I’ve buried myself into these past four years. I tell you, getting an education really sucks!

What’s worse is that I’m also second-guessing my plans to leave university. Perhaps it’s just a silly mindfuck I’m playing on myself but I feel like these past four years have been … well, useless. I’m going to get out of university with a degree in Arts and Contemporary Studies with an emphasis in global studies (not even a proper major) and a minor in marketing and what will I do then? I could find myself doing data entry for the next two years in some corporate dungeon on Bay Street, wondering why I never chose to do something more. I chose global studies because I’m interested in international relations. Does the government even hire undergrads anymore? Is foreign service even an option when your degree is only slightly related to your dream job? Everyone says that you rarely find a job in the field that you studied. What if you want to, though?

It just feels like I’ve shot myself in the foot by not applying for grad school. Not that I could get in, that is. I mean, I’m just finally cleaning off the mess of my third year and I’ve barely been involved in anything at school. Plus, do I really want to spend another two years living at home? Not really. No, if I were even to think about a Masters it would definitely not be done from home. I am finished living here. I need to grow up and start doing things on my own.

I guess the bottom line is, I’m worried that I won’t be successful post-grad. I don’t want to have to live pay cheque to pay cheque because I didn’t go to business school or law school. So suffice it to say I am a little depressed over the impending future. I think I just need to go back to the Career Centre and really start looking at all of the possible career options I have.