Gloryfades.org

By now I’m sure everyone in North America has heard about Eliot Spitzer’s adventures in Hookerland. The governor once dubbed Mr. Clean for his crusade against prostitution in New York has been named as a former client of a high-end prostitution ring, paying $4300 for, what I can only assume was, the best lay of his life.

I was listening to a gaggle of disc jockeys on the radio yesterday on the way to work discussing the topic. Inevitably, one of them lamented that Canadian politicians never get into sexy scandals. I disagree. There have been plenty of politicos caught with their pants down in Canada.

Perhaps our most notorious sex scandal is the infamous Gerda Munsinger, an East German who immigrated to Canada in 1955. All accounts of the Munsinger Affair claim that not only was she a hooker, but a Soviet spy as well. Given that the Red Scare was at its peak in the 50s and 60s I can’t imagine her really being a spy. Unlike Igor Gouzenko, there didn’t seem to be any repercussions for her being a spy and sleeping with several members of the Diefenbaker (that’s right - John Diefenbaker!) cabinet. Not that Gouzenko slept with any members of the Diefenbaker cabinet. I’m just saying Gouzenko really was a spy and he had to defect to avoid the Soviet gulags.

Like all good Canadian sex scandals, the Munsinger Affair wasn’t revealed to the public until 1966, a good five years after Munsinger was deported back to East Germany, by Minister of Justice Lucien Cardin in a fit of rage during Parliament.

I can only imagine what led him to hurl an insult like, “Oh yeah? Well, at least I didn’t sleep with that Commie slut Munsinger!”

*Crowd gasps; monocles drop*

There was a vague attempt to cover up the truth by claiming Munsinger was dead but a reporter for the Toronto Star, having a valid passport and visa, thought to track Munsinger down in East Germany where she continued to live quite comfortably until her death in 1998.

Apart from this deliciously sexy scandal (Germans! Soviets! Escorts!!!) there have been a handful of other small-time politicians getting their rocks off with prosti’s: Graham Herle, Bob McLelland (in a government vehicle no less!)… actually, I could only dig up two. Not much to sneeze at, is it?

On an unrelated note, how sucky do you think it would be to Google your name if you were one of these people? They say Facebook ruins your life but I say it’s Google. One little sex scandal and you’re branded for life (especially when I splash it all over my website!).

Most recent and most disturbing is the case of Gerald Regan, former premier for Nova Scotia, who was investigated in the mid-1980s after allegations of sexual misconduct arose “dating back for decades”, according to the CBC. He was brought to trial in 1998 for rape and attempted rape of three women but the case was dropped in 2002, except not until after nearly three dozen women came forward to testify against him.

On that creepy note, I wrap up this brief history of sexual deviances of Parliament Hill. I hope I’ve enlightened you all a little more on this fine Wednesday evening.

This post has been generously expanded upon by my own imagination. I’m sure most monocles didn’t drop when Cardin let the beaver out of the bag in Parliament (oh, how I love punnery!).

Sources: Wikipedia.org and CBC News Archives